Curb Your Enthusiasm’s Larry David is a guy who, both by destiny and design, finds himself at the epicenter of outrageous situations. He lives by his own self-imposed set of rules regarding societal norms and behaviors, and he has no problem pointing other people’s failings if they don’t meet his expectations.
For the former Seinfeld writer, life isn’t something to be carefully navigated. He speaks his mind even if the result is insensitive, racist, sexist or just rude and inappropriate, and his actions are no better, making him one of the funniest but most reprehensible characters on TV. Here are the 10 worst things Larry ever did, ranked.
Talks A Surrogate Into Keeping The Baby
When Larry attends the baby shower of friends who are expecting via a surrogate on season 4’s “The Surrogate,” he manages to inadvertently cause the pregnant woman to decide to keep the baby.
Just because Larry doesn’t do things intentionally doesn’t make the outcome any less his responsibility. With the threat of physical violence hanging over his head, Larry berates the woman when he encounters her at the hospital immediately after she gives birth, causing her to have another change of heart. Even when Larry’s right, he’s just so wrong.
Ruins A Wedding
Count on Larry to be a disruptive force at any social occasion. On season 2’s “The Baptism,” Cheryl’s sister is marrying the man of her dreams with one exception: he’s Jewish. He agrees to convert, but during the baptism, Larry, who mistakenly believes the man is drowning, comes to his rescue. This leads to second thoughts on the groom’s part much to the delight of his family who views Larry as a religious crusader.
Initially ambivalent about the whole thing, Larry basks in the attention, and soon, a holy war breaks out between Cheryl’s family and the groom’s –gentiles vs. Jews. This Larry exploit is a perfect storm of good intentions, idiocy and ego.
Doesn’t Want To Donate A Kidney
When Larry learns his longtime pal Richard Lewis needs a kidney transplant on season 5’s “Richard Needs a Kidney,” he drags his feet about getting tested to see if he’s a match. After agreeing, he shames manager-mutual pal Jeff into getting tested as well. Things take a Bachelor-esque turn when both men are matches, but unable to decide themselves who will give up his kidney, they leave it up to Richard.
Larry begins to campaign for Jeff to be the donor, proving Larry’s willing to help out a friend unless it’s a matter of life or death.
Dates A Handicapped Woman To Make Himself More Likable
Larry finds himself in new territory when he dates a woman in a wheelchair on season 7’s “Denise Handicap.” It’s not a match made in heaven, but while Larry shows some rare self-introspection about dumping Denise over the phone: he’s concerned about bad karma and not so much hurt feelings. Once he figures out there are some perks to the “relationship” like great parking spaces, cutting to the front of lines and reveling in other people’s awkwardness, he keeps seeing her.
After losing Denise’s number, Larry brings another woman in a wheelchair to an event, knowing he’ll be denied access otherwise. Denise shows up and to prevent “Wendy Wheelchair” and Denise from crossing paths, Larry pushes Wendy into a closet. Larry’s completely ambivalent about these women, dating them to make himself look better only proves he’s an equal opportunity jerk.
Invites A Sex Offender To Dinner
Larry begins a bromance with a new guy in the neighborhood, Rick. This kindred spirit is a fan of Seinfeld, he loves to play golf, he’s Jewish, he’s bald and he’s a sex offender. Hanging out one-on-one with a sex offender is Larry’s choice, but he decides to invite the overly affable guy over for Seder dinner – an event attended by assorted friends and their families. Their outrage is secondary to Larry’s plan to identify and confront the person stealing his newspaper: in Larry’s mind, a more diabolical criminal mastermind than an actual convicted felon.
Poses As An Incest Survivor
Larry doesn’t always exercise the best judgment. On season 1’s “The Group,” when an ex-girlfriend asks him to accompany her to an incest survivor meeting, he hesitantly agrees.
Instead of just lending support, Larry takes it one step too far and offers a fake name and a made-up story, portraying himself as a victim of incest. Curb Your Enthusiasm excels at presenting viewers with uncomfortable situations with Larry usually finding a way to make them even more cringeworthy, choosing the worst conceivable way to respond.
Uses His Mother’s Death To His Advantage
Larry returns from making a movie in NYC to learn his mother passed away and nobody told him on season 3’s “The Special Section.” But it doesn’t take Larry long to approach her death pragmatically: he figures out the loss of a parent gives him a free pass. Larry doesn’t have to attend social engagements, and he can cut short the dreaded stop and chats with no fear of offending anyone. He even uses his dead mother as a way to manipulate Cheryl into having sex. Larry’s not a sentimental guy but using the memory of his mother to get his way likely has her rolling over in her grave.
Steals Flowers From A Dead Woman’s Memorial
When Larry’s good friend Marty Funkhouser’s mother is hit by a car and dies while crossing the road in her wheelchair, Larry’s less concerned with Marty’s emotional state than melting ice cream, shoe money and unreturned condolence phone calls. Larry’s lackluster treatment of his friends is the focus of season 6’s “Ida Funkhouser’s Roadside Memorial.”
Larry begins stealing flowers from Funkhouser’s mother’s memorial as a means to make amends with a woman he offends over frozen yogurt. The peace offering is such a hit, Larry picks ups additional bouquets for the other women in his life. It’s bad enough the first time but going back for seconds and thirds is sinking pretty, pretty, pretty low.
Kills A Swan
Larry and his golf buddies become the usual suspects after Larry murders the prized pet of their country club’s owner – a black swan with a bad attitude. Already on thin ice for being … Larry, LD makes his friends co-conspirators in his crime on season 7’s “The Black Swan.” Larry clubs the bird to death and fearing a reprisal that would include losing his membership tries to hide the body.
Larry becomes determined to take everyone down with him if they turn on him. This foursome commits an act of animal cruelty, covers it up, breaks a man’s heart and risks their friendships and relationships with their spouses all so Larry isn’t remotely inconvenienced.
Feuds With Michael J. Fox
After he shushes Michael J. Fox during season 8’s “Larry vs. Michael J. Fox,” Larry questions if Fox’s reaction to the incident is “pissed or Parkinson’s.” He quickly becomes convinced that Fox is using his disease as an excuse to torture him. Larry’s paranoia causes multiple confrontations, and Larry doesn’t come out of any of them looking good, attacking a man with a degenerative nerve disease isn’t exactly a way to win friends, keep the ones he has or influence people. But Larry is all about justice and in his twisted mind, having Parkinson’s is not reason enough to take advantage of the “non-Parkinson’s.” The champion for social justice — even if it exists only in his mind — strikes again.
